


What the Hell?

by Crowoxy



Category: Bleach
Genre: Humor, M/M, Other, Parody, Physics, hinted relationship, iPods
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-05
Updated: 2012-04-12
Packaged: 2017-11-03 02:48:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/376259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowoxy/pseuds/Crowoxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A narrative of chapter 397 in Bleach. Aizen has been watching Ichigo Kurosaki for a long time now. A very long time. 401- Aizen or...Disney? 406- Aizen is also a cannibal! And his first target: Ichigo...New chapter! 420- Epicness at its best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Are you saying that every battle I've fought, has played into your hand?" Ichigo asked, extremely confused at the twist that Aizen had revealed. Aizen nodded, smirking at what Ichigo's apparent despair and confusion.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ichigo shouted. "Why do my fights even matter to you?" Aizen stayed silent, possibly to think of an easy way to explain it to Ichigo without him getting even more confused. If that was possible.

"I asked you a fucking question, damn it!" Ichigo screamed. Aizen held up one finger to reply.

It was an extremely long finger that seemed to grow somehow before becoming normal sized again. Ichigo blinked at the bizarre appendage, before looking at Aizen's face again.

"What was with your finger?" Aizen shrugged.

"I have no idea, but I was going to tell you to not yell. However, it seems my finger has already taken care of that."

"Okay, I am not going to question the last remains of your sanity." Ichigo said slowly backing away.

"Oh, so me wanting to destroy your home town means I've only partially lost my mind, but having a finger that somehow grows and shrinks against my will insures that I've lost it completely?" Ichigo nodded.

"Yup. There are plenty of people who try to take over the world or attempt to destroy a city to obtain a million souls to create a key that could potentially allow them to rule the world. But a growing finger? Never heard of that before."

"Oh, well-wait! What do you mean by potentially? Once I have the key, I will be ruler of all three worlds!"

"Unless you lose it." Ichigo pointed out.

"…good point. But I won't!" Ichigo shrugged, disbelief clear all over his face.

"Sure you won't." he said dryly.

"Anyways, back to my speech that I'm going to tell you."

"Oh, go right ahead."

"Kurosaki, I don't need your permission to continue. I was going to say it anyways."

"Whatever." Aizen pulled out a bunch of papers from his outfit and began to skim through the notes. He then put them away and cleared his throat.

"I realized, that you were the very thing I'd been searching for. I decided to help you grow. That's all-"

"Wait, wait, wait. What? The very thing you've been searching for? I'm not a thing, first of all! Secondly, I really hope that you are not implying what it sounds like you're implying!" Aizen blinked in confusion.

"What in the world are you talking about, Kurosaki?"

"Thing you've been searching for, help me grow? Does or does it not sound like something sexual that you're implying!" Ichigo shrieked.

"Not really, I don't think. But since you are a teenage boy with hormones, I'm going to assume that was the cause for this and I'm not questioning it any further." Aizen coughed lightly and continued with his master speech.

"Didn't you think it was strange that all of your fights seemed to happen at strange times? Like right after meeting Rukia, you saw a Hollow, which you've never seen before. I could go on, but I'm sure you get it." Ichigo still stared at Aizen, probably still convinced that it was something sexual.  _Stupid teenage hormones_. Aizen thought.

"So you're saying that you have orchestrated every fight I did? How did you convince Ishida to use the hollow bait then? He hates taking orders or requests from anybody." Ichigo pointed out.

"Eh, I told him he shouldn't snap the bait in memory of his grandfather. So, of course he used it."

"Oh, that actually makes sense."

"Yes, now I was going to say some awesome line about Truth, but I forgot it. So, I'll move on to tell you that I've known about you since the beginning!"

"The beginning of what? My start as a shinigami? When I first met Rukia? When my mother died? There's a lot of things you know."

"The beginning, Kurosaki, the beginning." Aizen explained vaguely.

"How about you tell me in a way everyone can understand?" Ichigo grumbled.

"I knew about you, since you were born!" Aizen said dramatically.

"What?" Ichigo choked.

"You were special from the moment you were born. After all-"

"You fucking pedophile stalker!" Ichigo screamed.

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are! You claim to have been stalking me since I was born! That makes you a pedophile stalker!" Ichigo continued to shout about Aizen and pedophilia, stalking, creeps, etc. Aizen, who had plenty of practice with Grimmjow who enjoyed ranting, successfully tuned Ichigo out.

"Are you done yet, Kurosaki?" Aizen asked, after forty minutes of nonstop complaining and accusing.

"NO!" Ichigo shrieked. Aizen sighed.  _Teenagers these days. Never let anyone finish what they were trying to say._

"Alright, since I really need to stay on schedule, I have something I need to do after this, I'm just going to tell you that you are special because you are-"

A black whoosh of, uh something, blew in front of Aizen. Once the whatever it was had blown away, Isshin Kurosaki, Ichigo's father had come to stand in front of his son, in his shinigami attire.

"You've said too much, Aizen!" Isshin proclaimed loudly.

"But I never got to finish what I was going to say, Isshin!" Aizen protested. Isshin smirked as he drew his sword.

"That's fine. We all hate listening to you anyways."

"God damn it. Now I'll definitely be late." Aizen mumbled.

"To what, exactly, you pedophile stalker?" Ichigo asked.

"I am not-forget it. You and your dad, both of you never listen anyways."

"So, where do you need to go?"

"Um, to get my hair cut?"

"He means get a manicure and pedicure!" Gin Ichimaru finally spoke up, for the first time.

"You said you would never tell, Gin!" Aizen hissed venomously. Gin shrugged.

"Whoops, I forgot."

"Putting aside your girly characteristics, Aizen," Isshin said.

"Pedophile stalker!" Ichigo interrupted.

"Yeah, I'm definitely going to have to hear this one. Anyways, I will stop you Sosuke Aizen!" Isshin shouted.

Ichigo shook his head as he finally realized that his dad, his lunatic, annoying, stupid dad, was a shinigami. Although, funnily enough, it explained a lot about his attitude, considering most shinigami Ichigo knew were lunatics.  _It must be part of the job description._  Ichigo thought.

Aizen put his hand on his sword as Isshin settled into a fighting stance; the fight for Ichigo Kurosaki soon to begin.


	2. Chapter 2

"I am saying, that the hogyoku is conscious." Aizen smirked. There was the possibility that Isshin was smarter than his son.  _I'm not a freaking stalker pedophile!_

"What the hell are you talking about?"  _Or maybe not._  Aizen sighed. Was there no one who could match his intelligence?

"The hogyoku is conscious. That means its sentiment. It can think. Do I have to get any clearer than that?" Aizen explained, frustration evident in his voice.

"I know what you mean, idiot." Isshin growled. "What I can't get is why you think a ball has the ability to think for its self."

"OI! It's not just a ball." Aizen argued. "It's an amazing device that is capable of thought and to do wondrous things. Like making me a God!" Aizen began to stroke the hogyoku that was, well, attached in his chest. "Don't listen to Isshin, my little baby. He's a meanie." He cooed. Isshin was left wondering if the former fifth captain has finally lost every last bit of his sanity. Of course, trying to take over three worlds does imply insanity, but stroking his chest to coo at a ball? Disturbing. Very disturbing. So Isshin did the only thing he could think of before he would be mentally scarred for life, if he wasn't already.

"It still sounds like nonsense to me." Isshin desperately interrupted Aizen's fussing over the hogyoku.

"What?" Aizen looked up at his new enemy.

"I said, it sounds like nonsense, damnit! Stop cuddling your chest, it's extremely disturbing!"

"I'm not cuddling my chest! I'm petting my hogyoku!"

"Which is on your chest. And from where I am, it looks like something you would do in private!"

"Both you and Ichigo, honestly." Aizen muttered.

"Anyways, what do you think the hogyoku's power is?" Isshin stared at Aizen.

"How the hell am I supposed to know? I don't do research, people tell me what's up."

Aizen felt a headache coming on. Was everyone really this stupid?

"The hogyoku, its true power is to make real what's in the hearts of those around it." Aizen explained.

"So, it's a device that is based on Disney stories?"

"What? No! Where did you come up with that?" Aizen shouted.

"Well, in all of the classic Disney movies, something happens to the protagonist and there is an obstacle that seems to be impossible to overcome, and yet they somehow manage to all live happily ever after while the antagonist burns in hell. Very true in Aladdin, by the way."

"No! It is not based on Disney! Forget about Disney, the hogyoku is better! Didn't you notice the miraculous things that happened with Ichigo Kurosaki, Rukia Kuchiki, and Urahara Kisuke?"

"What do any of them have to do with our current conversation about how you like Disney?"

"Forget about Disney! Anyways, those could all be said to have been realized by the hogyoku's will."

"Um, are you just jumping from topic to topic trying to make your nonexistent point across? You are the only one apparently that knows how to somewhat use the hogyoku, so what do their achievements have to do with the hogyoku?"

"I'll give you some examples. Urahara Kisuke misunderstood the power of the hogyoku to be the ability to control the boundary between hollow and shinigami, because that's what he wanted it to do."

"I'm not following. You're saying that, when Urahara was making the hogyoku, he was doing so for the sole reason to control the line between two different, yet similar species, and because he accidently made the hogyoku to 'grant people's wishes', that's what it did?" Isshin took a deep breath. "And how do you know what Urahara was thinking? He tends to lie quite a bit?" Aizen disregarded Isshin's last question.

"Precisely. And the reason Rukia Kuchiki's reiryoku passed to Ichigo and she lost her shinigami powers, was because she was still depressed about Kaien Shion's death." Aizen continued, oblivious to his once again confused audience.

"Hang on, as far as I know, Rukia didn't even have the hogyoku at that time, and I'm sure she didn't wish for all her powers to be sucked dry!"

"And the reason Yasutora Sado and Orihime Inoue developed such singular powers is because they both cursed their powerlessness with all their hearts." Aizen ignored Isshin.

"But that makes no sense! A lot of people feel useless, why the hell didn't they develop powers then? Why only them?" Isshin shouted. Maybe Aizen would finally listen to some form of logic. For someone who claimed to be intelligent, he sure loved being in a fantasy world.

"Because it just did! Stop questioning my brilliance!" Aizen screamed.  _Why couldn't these people understand his beautiful and complicated theories?_

"What brilliance? I'm definitely not seeing brilliance." Isshin muttered. "But go on with your, uh, illuminating explanation, Aizen."

Aizen sniffed disdainfully, but continued nonetheless.

"The hogyoku realizes what is in people's hearts, but it cannot work if that possibility does not already exist within them. So, it leads people the direction that they want to go."

Isshin nearly fell in shock. Could this ball of weirdness have anymore Disney qualities?

"But people are strange." Aizen started to continue.

"No!" Isshin screamed. "I think I've heard enough of bullshit for today! I don't think my brain can take anymore of this." He muttered.

"Why because it so complicated and amazing?" Aizen smirked.

"Hell no! It makes no sense and your so called logic isn't very logical!"

"Hey, that's not-" a loud crash interrupted what Aizen was about to say.

Both ex-shinigami looked around to see a building explode with a large sword aimed at one side. A closer looked revealed Ichigo blocking the long sword with his bankai, a comical look of rage on his face as his back smashed against the building. The nest thing Isshin knew, the sword had disappeared and Ichigo was flying back towards his enemy was, Ichimaru Gin.

"I'm surprised you stopped it." Gin smirked. Ichigo glared at Gin as he stopped to wipe his lip which was bleeding.

"Why are you so surprised? Weren't you just calling me creepy a minute ago?" Ichigo retorted.

"Well, yes. But the block must have been a fluke."

"How the hell was the a fluke, bastard!" Ichigo yelled. "First you call me creepy, you! Possibly the most creepiest person I have ever had the horror to meet, except for Ishida. And now because I stopped your attack it's a fluke? You &%&((&&, &(&$## ()(%#$&%$# and you &%&(%#, *()$^$#^^(&%^&%!"

"Ichigo!" Isshin shouted.

"What?" Ichigo yelled back, ceasing his parade of foul words for a moment.

"Watch your language, or you will be grounded!"

"Shut up! Don't interfere, I've almost got him!"

"Uh, Ichigo. I don't think you yelling curse words in different languages is actually helping you defeat him. Gin is enjoying it."

"Well, what about you? Have you defeated Aizen or figured out his plan?"

"No! It's bloody impossible to figure out his plan! But whatever you do, don't ask him. It'll only make you more confused!" Isshin argued with his son.

"But then how will I know what the hell he's planning?"

"That's the problem! He is living in world of fantasy using Disney related items!"

"Really? And I thought his finger growing talent was strange, but that's just disturbing." Ichigo said.

"It has nothing to do with Disney!" Aizen's voice interrupted their conversation. "It's called Hogyoku, the breakdown sphere! So of course it could break the line between man and God!"

"But Urahara gave it that name! And you said it had nothing to do with what Urahara had intended it to do!" Isshin screamed at Aizen.

"Wait what?" Ichigo was confused, again. Damn Aizen for making confusing explanations. Ichigo walked over to Gin, maybe his explanations would make more sense than what Aizen had been sprouting.

"Oi, Gin. Do you have any idea what Aizen is yammering about?"

"Hm? No, he tried to explain it to me once, but it was completely illogical, made no sense, and a very high percent chance of not working. So naturally I went along with him." Gin said while twirling his now knife size sword around.

"Why would you follow him for that?" Ichigo asked.

"Because I like chaos. And since his plan was definitely not orderly, I joined him."

Meanwhile, back with Aizen and Isshin, who were still arguing about Aizen's theory about the hogyoku, Aizen was blasted in his back by a newcomer to the battlefield.

"Where the hell have you been?" Isshin accused, glaring at the man behind Aizen.

"So you've finally come, Urahara Kisuke." Aizen turned around to face him.

"I do know my name, thanks Aizen." Urahara smirked, his sealed sword pointing at Aizen.

"Hey, Urahara, Why the hell does the hogyoku seem so much like something that should belong in Disney?" Isshin demanded to know. Urahara snapped out his fan and held it over his face to hide his amusement.

"Well, you see the initial purpose of the hogyoku worked fine, but after I exiled myself on Earth in my shop for some number of decades, I got bored, took out the hogyoku and tinkered with it while watching a marathon of Disney movies. I somehow managed to make it somewhat conscious and when I was watching Cinderella, the hogyoku decided it wanted to become a fairy godmother." Urahara began to chuckle. Isshin started to laugh out loud with no restraint.

"HAHA! I told you, I told you it was like a Disney-HAHA, item!" he guffawed. Gin and Ichigo had heard Urahara and both were struggling not to laugh out loud. In fact, the two of them made it a contest to see who could not laugh the longest.

Aizen was left standing in shock as the horror of the hogyoku finally settled in his mind.

"I'm using Disney to take over the world." He whispered weakly. "How fitting."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questioning the laws of physics, the appearance of Uruhara and Ichigo just can't be his normal disrespectful self anymore. Oh, and plenty of Aizen bashing, of course.

**A parody of Bleach Chapter 403. I'm not sure if this is the best, but I wanted to write something, and this is what I got.**

"You know, I've been wondering." Ichigo started staring at the explosion that had consumed Aizen. "In terms of physics, wouldn't being exploded from the inside kind of decompose someone's body, no matter how powerful they are?"

"Kurosaki, we are essentially dead, and yet we live to fight, we fly, can change the physical properties of swords that are apparently linked to our souls, create explosions practically out of nothing, survive life threatening injuries frequently and only now you are questioning the law of physics?" Gin asked as he stared at where is boss was.

"Shut up! I have a test in physics coming up soon!"

"Why are you two not fighting?" Isshin Kurosaki questioned the two fighters as he also stared at where Aizen used to be.

"Well, there's no point anymore. Urahara just came and is hogging the fight to himself, so we mutually decided without speaking to each other that we would stop fighting to watch." Gin proclaimed, his signature grin sliding back on his face.

"Yeah, what he- wait what? When did I ever agree with you on something?" Ichigo growled.

"Just now."

A black coat flew in front of the three of them, seemingly dramatic.

"Urahara-san, you don't look very dramatic." Ichigo pointed out. "Wait, when did I ever start showing respect to you? What the hell is going on when I talk today?" Ichigo wailed. Considering that he prided himself on never showing respect, it was quite understandable.

"It's not over yet." Urahara said gravely, a dark shadow falling over his eyes.

"Huh?" Ichigo glared at Urahara, not quite catching his words as he was still wondering about his sudden respect to authority.

"Urahara, I'm pretty sure-" Isshin started.

"He'll come out, soon enough!" Urahara finished theatrically, obviously not listening to anyone.

"No one listens to me anymore." Isshin grumbled.

A bright light prevented anyone from answering him, not that anyone was going to.

After the light had subsided somewhat, the four figures who were actually doing something watched as Aizen stepped forward, transformed into something so terrible, so horrible, so any other word that Ichigo could not think of at the moment to describe Aizen's new…

spandex garbage bag outfit.

"Wha-what the hell is that?" Ichigo demanded as he stared at Aizen's new 'god-like' outfit.

"Isn't it terrible, Ichigo Kurosaki?" Aizen murmured as he walked closer to Ichigo who was staring flabbergasted-ish without shame. Gin was on the ground laughing at the absurdity of it all. Isshin glanced once at Aizen's approaching figure before looking away to ponder on why no one would listen to him. It probably began when his beloved wife died…

"So you lured me in with a Level 90 kido, and then let me burn myself within my own technique." Aizen spoke to Urahara while still walking to where Ichigo was.

"OI! Stay away from me! If you're fighting Urahara, you go towards him, not me! I do not want to be anywhere near you right now!" Ichigo shouted, raising his arms in a cross over his chest as if to defend himself from Aizen.

"What are you talking about, Kurosaki?" Aizen sighed as he ceased in his path towards the youngest person who was fighting.

"Remember the stalker pedophile label you have acquired? That's still there. Just so you know." Ichigo explained.

"So you're saying if it had been anyone else walking towards you right now, you would have no problem with them?" Aizen said, annoyed.

"Well, maybe with Ishida, but yeah, that's the general context."

"…I hate you so much, Kurosaki."

"Which one?"

"Currently? You. But your father isn't that far behind." Turning back to Urahara, who was strangely silent the whole time, Aizen continued to talk to him, (and ignore Ichigo at the same time).

"Unfortunately for you, the hogyoku you created surpasses you own understanding." Aizen began his monologue.

"Wait, I thought I already went over this? Your precious hogyoku? It thinks it is a fairy godmother ball thing, remember? You obviously don't understand it very well if you forgot that." Urahara interrupted.

"You guys are boring." Gin suddenly said, having stopped laughing. "Quit talking and start massacre- I mean fighting each other. Yes, that is what I meant."

"Now that your techniques won't work, you turn to force?" Aizen asked, acting as if fighting Urahara was his plan all along and Gin hadn't said a single word.

Urahara readied Benehime, his lovely zanpakto, all ready to fight the walking trash bag, uh, he meant Aizen.

However, before Urahara could move, Isshin had finally decided to stop questioning whether anyone bothered to listen to him and start an oppressive attack against Aizen.

Needless to say, Aizen's new spandex trash bag look at increased his flexibility and dexterity.

"Dude, I could swear it seems like Aizen is the new Spider-man." Ichigo muttered.

"Nah, Spider-man is too good for Aizen. He is more like that Venom dude." Gin commented.

"You mean that black suited reporter Spider-man copy-cat from the third movie?"

"Yeah, him."

"He shouldn't even count as a villain, that movie sucked."

"It had some interesting elements to it." Gin argued. And the two started on an argument about Spider-man while the three older Shinigami and 'God' trash bag continued to fight.

"What do you think you're doing?" Aizen demanded to know as his limbs were caught in chains.  _Where the hell did these chains come from?"_

Aizen looked up briefly to see a flash of black.  _Oh shit._

"You-" was all he managed before the legendary Goddess of Flash, Yoruichi smashed into him.

"Bastard!" Aizen managed to choke out as Yoruichi's fist sank into his gut.

"I'm a fucking woman, you bastard! If anything call me a bitch!" Yoruichi shrieked as she pushed harder into Aizen.

A crash followed Aizen as he was pushed into several buildings below him.

"You know, why is the illusion of the city still up if everyone knows it's a fake and it keeps getting destroyed?" Ichigo asked Gin, as their previous argument concluded with no winner.

Gin shrugged. "You guys set it up. Shouldn't you know?"

"Hell if I know. Nothing ever makes sense and I know now to never question it."

"Uh huh."

"How's that?" Yoruichi sounded smug as she straightened from her crouching position.

"Get out of there!" Urahara shouted right before a flash teleported behind Yoruichi. In a flash she was crouched near Urahara, her wrist guard broken as Aizen stepped forward, with little damage except for the large cracks running down his body.

"What's the matter? It's not over yet." Aizen confidently said as he relaxed his pose.

"Hurry up and make your next move. I will smash each one to smithereens until the very last one collapses."

"Uh, what are you talking about?" Isshin asked. Aizen shrugged.

"Gin was holding up signs of what my speech should have been right then and I was simply reading it." Gin whistled as he discreetly hid the pieces of paper in his sleeves.

"Well, are you talking about the columns or people? Because I really don't think people can collapse if you smash them to smithereens. More like just die."

"SHUT UP! Can't you not be judgmental for once? Ask Gin about it, he made it up!" Aizen screamed. Urahara, Isshin, Yoruichi, and Aizen all stared at Gin.

"Well, Creepy-kid and I were bored of watching you fight. So we made speeches. And now we're playing cards."

"I'm not creepy, damnit! And we're playing rummy!" Ichigo protested.

"Why not poker?" Gin asked.

"Because you have a good poker face. And I suck at poker, so we're not playing!" Ichigo argued.

"Alright, alright. Fine. Then can we play Speed?"

The four opponents ignored the more immature fighters who were supposed to be fighting and glared at their respective enemy. Isshin, Urahara, and Yoruichi all glared at Aizen who was trying to stare at all three of them at the same time and was failing.

"So, the fight is against three shinigami and a walking trash bag." Isshin commented.

"Why are you calling me a trash bag? I'm almost a God!"

"Have you looked at your new outfit?"

"I'm still a God!"

"Fine. Three shinigami against the God of Disney, trash bags, and what I have yet to hear, stalking pedophiles." Isshin smirked.

Aizen was left gaping like a fish at the nicknames.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Parody of chapter 409

Ichigo Kurosaki stared speechless at his father.

"When the hell did you know how to use Getsuga Tenshou? I thought that was my attack!" He shouted at his father, Isshin Kurosaki.

"You wanted the information later, remember? You're going to have to wait." Isshin half-sang as he stared at where Aizen was.

"It's your own fault, you know." Ichimaru Gin said, sounding  _very_  sympathetic. "You did say that you could wait."

Ichigo looked down at the cards he was holding. "Whatever. I hate life anyways. What game are we playing?"

Gin smoothly held his hand of cards as he gestured at the table they had somehow managed to acquire.

"Speed. And you've lost seventeen times in the last eight minutes. And Kurosaki, you're already dead."

"We were playing?"

Meanwhile Urahara came up to where Isshin was.

"How did it go?" He asked.

"How am I supposed to know? The smoke hasn't cleared yet and apparently I can't read Aizen while he's in that form!" Isshin snarled. "You're the researcher, aren't you? Why don't you know anything?"

Urahara smiled behind his ever-present fan.

"I'm curious at why Aizen needs a fairy godmother ball. Do you think he had a depressed childhood or something?"

"Maybe it's because he's the only one stupid and childish enough to want a fairy god-ball." Yoruichi, the only other person fighting commented.

"Anyways, what were you saying about not being able to read him, Isshin?" Urahara asked.

"What you haven't noticed? That trash bag suit is hiding his reitsu. And made him stronger. Why do the hideous, god-awful looking outfits always make the person who's trying to take over the world become stronger? Why can't it be a nice looking outfit for once?" Isshin complained.

"What on Earth are you talking about, Isshin?" Yoruichi asked, bemused.

"Forget it."

Both Isshin and Urahara turned when they heard the definite sound of a footstep landing on air. Because it has such a loud, distinct noise, everyone knows that.

"That was a good attack." Aizen the walking trash bag said as appeared to be unscathed. At Isshin and Urahara's glares he stopped walking.

"Oh come on. You can't possibly think that would finish me off!"

They still glared.

"…You guys really thought that. I'm shocked."

"Actually we hoped it would finish you off so we wouldn't have to deal with you anymore." Isshin muttered.

"How mean. Anyways, I understand your attack now." Aizen swooned dramatically.

"What the hell is going on in that stupid head of his?" Isshin grumbled.

"I think it is time for you to understand my power too." Unbeknownst to anyone, except for himself, Aizen was smirking.

"Can't you just tell us then? It would make things so much more simpler." Urahara interjected.

"No. Now, watch my ascend into Godhood!" Everyone stared as Aizen's head cracked open and a white light consumed him.

"Should you really be looking behind you?" Gin asked of Ichigo.

"Well, why wouldn't I? It's not like we're doing anything." Ichigo retorted.

"Yes we are!" Gin said. "You are done for!" Somehow the table that they were using to play speed disappeared and Gin jumped away from Ichigo, his zanpakto ready in his hands.

"What the hell are you doing, Gin?" Ichigo questioned. He knew Gin had problems, major problems, but still.

"You are no longer a soldier. Not a shinigami, not a hollow, not human." Gin recited.

"We were playing a fucking card game! Why are you being so dramatic all of a sudden?"

"Do you really think someone as half-assed as yourself can beat him when those three can't?"

"Beat who? Aizen? Well, I don't know exactly what's going on anymore since you're acting all insane again!"

Gin's grin got even wider, if that was possible.

"Go ahead and run. I wouldn't put it against you. You don't want to die yet, do you?"

"What happened to the I'm already dead thing?"

"Eh, forget that for right now and listen to my speech!" Gin shouted. "I have no interest in you." Gin continued.

"Liar." Ichigo muttered. "If you had no interest in me then we wouldn't have played cards."

"Shut up. I'm making my own speech for once, and your going to listen to it."

"NO! The last speech that someone uttered to me was traumatizing enough with his sexual preferences. I don't need to have any more nightmares!"

Ignoring Ichigo, Gin continued to speak.

"Captain Aizen will be disappointed in you, too. You're scared, aren't you?"

"LALALALALA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LALALALALA!" Putting his hands over his ears, Ichigo attempted to ignore Gin. And we all know that never works.

"Of Captain Aizen? You've grasped his power!" Gin somehow made himself heard over Ichigo's chanting.

"Shut up! I'm not listening to you!"

"Well, that's the last warning I'll give." Gin finished readying his sword.

"How many times are you going to warn me?" Ichigo asked, having unfortunately, heard everything Gin said. "And how the hell do you figure I'm scared? Aizen is using a Disney theme to take over the world, damnit!"

"Meh, it was just a speech. Don't need to get so testy over it."

"Hang on, Gin. Are you like Severus Snape from Harry Potter?" Ichigo asked, as he spotted something in a pocket of Gin's clothing out of the corner of his eye.

"Uh, no. Why do you ask?"

"Because you keep giving me all these warnings and never actually do anything afterwards. And I just caught a glimpse of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in your pocket." Ichigo said dryly.

"So, I like Snape! He's a cool character. And what's wrong if I enjoy Harry Potter so much that I carry it with me wherever I go?"

"Snape dies in that book."

"Shut up, it never happened! And neither did the epilogue!"

"…Ok." Ichigo whispered, not wanting to antagonize the crazed Harry Potter fan.

A bright light ceased any other conversation that would have occurred between the two. Both turned to look around and saw Aizen walking towards them. From around Aizen's approaching form, Ichigo saw his Dad and the two other fighters down.

"Dad, Urahara-san, Yoruichi-san. Wait, why am I being respectful again! Damnit!" Ichigo screamed before smashing his fist to his head several times.

"Gin." Aizen commanded royally, in his opinion anyway. "What were you going to do to him?"

Gin smiled at Aizen innocently. (Around the world, puppies died, as Gin is never innocent.)

"Nothing. I was just testing him."

"Very well. Open the Senkaimon. I will invade Karakura in Soul Society." Aizen decreed as he turned around to face the open sky. Behind him, Ichigo and Gin were muffling their laughs at his attitude.

"Sure, boss." Gin finally said, getting a hold of himself. "But what's a Senkai-thingy?" Next to him, Ichigo had put a fist in his mouth to stop chuckling. As soon as Aizen turned to look at them though, he was straight-faced.

"The gate, Gin."

"Oh, sure. Why didn't you just say so?" Gin giggled before opening the gate-thingy.

"Aizen, your head is falling off."

"Shut up, Kurosaki. This was not my head, it was a covering my head. Think of this fabulous suit as a cocoon."

"So, you are comparing yourself to a butterfly. Gay."

"It's not gay! Now I can see Soul Society's downfall with my own eyes!"

"Are you telling me, that you couldn't see when you were in that suit? Then how they hell did those three get defeated?" Ichigo shouted at Aizen.

"Actually, they were all tired, so they fell asleep." Aizen revealed as his head piece finally came off to reveal Aizen,…with longer hair.

"Was that your epic transformation? You got longer hair?"

"You should watch Dragon Ball Z, Kurosaki. Then you will understand. And now, I will leave you here and I will eat you Kurosaki." Aizen stepped into the glowing gate and Gin followed.

"WHAT THE - #^&(*^%#%^^&&**^$!$%^&*(*^*#&(&($_+)#^&!" Ichigo screamed before staring at the place where Aizen just was.

"Ichigo! What did I tell you about language? Why are you just standing there? Open the Senkaimon, now!" Isshin ordered as he woke up due to Ichigo's yelling.

"Dad, that fucking pedophile stalker is also a cannibal! I am not going anywhere near him, thank you very much!" Ichigo whimpered, feeling utterly disgusted at Aizen's obsession with him.

"Let's go protect Karakura town!" Isshin cheered, leaning on his son's shoulder.

"Did you not hear a word of what I just said?" Ichigo cried. "Aizen wants to eat me! In a sexual way or as a cannibal I don't know, but he wants to eat me!"

"Shut up and let's go, Ichigo. You can complain later."

"But!"

"Shut up and I won't ground you for an entire year after this."

"Shutting up."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, here is a parody of chapter 414 with a bit of mentions for chapter 412 and a tiny bit of 413. Like only the first page. I really don't know how I want to parody the kids who are running from Aizen, so I'm not going to really try…unless someone else comes up with an idea and tells me. Anyways, enjoy!

"I have returned, Captain Aizen." Gin Ichimaru announced as he walked towards Aizen. The God of Trash Bags and Mullets turned to look at his most loyal subordinate.

"So you've returned?" Aizen said, turning to look at Gin. "What happened to the girl?"

"Which girl?"

"The one you were fighting just two minutes ago."

"Oh, she's lying on the ground not moving." Gin smirked.

"So is she dead?" Aizen questioned, feeling a migraine coming on. Why did Gin try to be so elusive all the time? All it did was give anyone he talked to a headache.

"Sure. She's dead."

"You killed her."

"Well…" Gin thought back to what happened with Rangiku Matsumoto

_Gin's Flashback- 5 Minutes Ago_

After Rangiku had pretty much scarred that man with the sunglasses for life, mentally of course, and possibly physically judging by the force of her kick, she turned to face himself and Captain Aizen.

Once again, Gin held up cue notes next to Aizen since his speeches tended to be on the very bad, horrible, terrible side. Maybe even worse.

"To say you 'made it in time', is that in regards to allowing those humans to flee?" Aizen peered at the notes, Gin handed to him before looking up at Rangiku.

"Or are you referring to the destruction of Karakura town and the creation of the Royal Key?" Matsumoto sighed, completely used to Aizen giving long pointless speeches that no one needed to hear. As it was with everyone who came in contact with him more than once.

"Well, you are wrong either way!" Aizen finished dramatically, throwing the papers back to Gin, who just dodged them and let the pieces of white thin paper fall to the ground.

Rangiku just stared at Aizen, not reacting to his words.

"Something wrong?" Aizen taunted. "Do you not like talking to me?"

Still Rangiku just stared at Aizen, looking at him like he was the biggest idiot to ever be able to talk, which really he was, but Gin would never say that out loud to Aizen. Just to everyone else he knew behind Aizen's back.

"Captain Aizen." Gin interrupted. "In order to be a polite subordinate of yours, I should apologize for my old friend's behavior for butting in during your time of epic speech making, but I don't want to. So, I'll just tell you that I'll deal with her."

"Fine." Aizen sniffed, still trying to be dramatic. "It doesn't matter, we have ample time. Go ahead and talk all you'll like over there." He started to walk ahead following the humans who were still able to run.

"It'll be a nuisance though, won't it?" Gin complained.

"Not a bit." Aizen reassured Gin.

"Are we referring to the same thing?"

"Well, what are you referring to?"

"The fact that you want me to walk 'over there' to talk to Rangiku."

"… Just go talk over there." Aizen said before walking away. Gin ran to Rangiku and pretty much carried her to the 'corner' she and Gin were supposed to be in.

"Hey, Rangiku. Can I have your I-Pod, please?" Tugging at the wire that was hooked into her ears, Gin tried successfully to remove one earphone from his old friend's ear.

"Hey Gin, did you want something?" Rangiku asked now that her Ke$ha music wasn't blasting into her ears.

"I-Pod?" Gin whined. "Mine broke when I dropped it and Sayzeal picked it up."

"Which one was Sayzeal?"

"The pink haired one who liked experimenting. He was like another Twelfth Division Captain. He heard my Three Days Grace music playing, and decided to dissect the I-Pod. I've been miserable without my I-Pod that every Shinigami who deals with Aizen gets for free so people don't have to listen to him and be driven to commit suicide from his speeches."

"How about this Gin. You attack Aizen, and I'll get you whichever I-Pod you want plus a set of deluxe headsets. And an I-Tunes gift card."

"For $50?"

"$100."

"Deal!"

And with that they shook hands and Rangiku fell asleep or fell unconscious from her grievous wounds on the ground.

_Gin's Flashback 5 minutes Ago- End._

"Yup, I killed her." Gin nodded.

"Indeed, Her reitsu has disappeared." Aizen said, as if he could actually sense someone's reitsu who wasn't fighting.

"Yeah…because she's dead." Gin muttered, wondering, not for the first time, how Aizen had managed to construct his elaborate plan without someone catching on.

"I am surprised." Aizen continued. "I imagined that you carried more emotions towards that one."

"Which emotions?"

"Oh, you know. Romantic emotions, that sort of thing. Everyone in Soul Society thought you two were going out."

"Uh, no. I've got nothin' like that for Rangiku. I told you when we first met when I was so little and as cute as I am now."

_Gin's Flashback A very long time Ago-_

Gin accidently bumped into Aizen one day, although neither of them knew who the other one was.

"I'm a snake. With cold skin, no emotions, that slithers around searching for prey, and swallowing down those who look tasty. That's what kind of creature I am."

With that, Gin marched away and Aizen was left confused as a random kid had just walked up to him and claimed he was a snake.

"I don't who that kid is, but he seems interesting. I think."

_Gin's Flashback A Very Long Time Ago- End_

"Isn't that what I told you?"

"Well, considering I didn't really know who you were at the time, no I don't remember that exact wording. And for all I know, you said it to every person you met that day."

"I did, actually."

There was silence between the two men as shouts were heard ahead of them.

"I am afraid I have become a bit tired of our mouse game." Aizen turned away from Gin to stare in the direction the noises had come from.

"What'll we do after we kill them?" Gin asked. "And why haven't you killed them yet?"

"After hanging their corpses in a visible location outside of town, we shall begin creating the Royal Key." Aizen struck a dramatic pose.

"After we what?" Gin asked. "Have you been watching Pirates of the Caribbean or somethin'?

"Yes." Aizen admitted.

"Sounds good! I'll be the one to kill them all!"

"Gin, why?"

"Cause I've always wanted to do a medieval killing."

"We're not burning them at a stake or anything like that. Just hanging them."

"Oh. Well in that case." Gin turned around and Aizen was suddenly pierced by Gin's sword. His grin that had been constant on his face, was exchanged for a shocked, pained expression. All of a sudden, his own blade, the illuminating Kyouka Suigetsu, was pointed at Gin, who had grabbed it with his free left hand.

"The only way to escape Kyouka Suigetsu's ability is to be touching the blade itself before hypnosis is activated." Gin's grin grew wider at Aizen's expression of shock at his betrayal.

"Do you know how many decades it took me just to hear that one sentence? You woke me up so early on that day too, for no reason." Gin mocked sniffed. "And no one else in the Gotei 13 knows of this, yet they all intend to kill you nonetheless. So watching them really kept me in suspense." There was a pause.

"Actually, you know what? It didn't keep me in suspense. I was too busy trying not to laugh at their pathetic expressions." With that, Gin's sword retracted, transforming into its small knife form once again.

"Since the only one capable of killing Captain Aizen, is me!" Gin shouted, still grinning. Aizen grunted as his blood began to slide down his chest from his new wound.

"I knew it. And I brought you here in full understanding of your intents. Because I had interest in how you would go about trying to take my life." Aizen spat out.

"Liar. I just decided this ten minutes ago when I was talking to Rangiku. She's going to get me an I-Pod now."

"You betrayed me for an I-Pod?"

"And a $100 I-tunes gift card plus amazingly good headphones." Gin added.

"Oh well, in that case I can completely understand,..but why the fuck would you even do it?" Aizen screamed.

"Because it makes you mad." Gin said a completely innocent expression on his face.

"GAH! %^*()(*^$#^*)_&%!$^&**!"

"Done, Captain Aizen?"

"Yes." Aizen took a deep breath to calm down.

"But how unfortunate, Gin. You think that you can kill me from this..-"

"Nah, I don't. Screwed up physics, remember? But see the little crack on my sword? That piece is now inside of you, Captain Aizen." Gin pointed at the wound he had made on his former Captain's chest.

"…What…? How is that even possible?"

"I lied about my abilities when I spoke about them. I'm not like that Shinji person who would just pretty much his opponent his sword's ability."

"But you're telling me now." Aizen pointed out. Gin shrugged his shoulders.

"Eh, I'm bored and I'm certainly not going to just stare at you while you die. My sword doesn't extend as long as I said, and it doesn't move that fast either. It simply, turns to dust for one moment while extending and contracting. And then, on the interior of the blades, a deadly poison capable of breaking down cells is secreted."

"But it still extends and it is still fast."

"Now you're getting it! You understand it now! During the time between striking your heart and pulling my sword back, I left a tiny sliver of that dust right inside your heart."

Aizen cupped his hand at his chest, trying to stem the blood flow. His rage grew as he felt the hole in his chest.

"If you're going to talk, better make it fast. Or you could do everyone a favor and not say any speech. But no matter how quickly you talk,-" Gin moved quickly to where Aizen was.

"Kill, Kamishini no Yari."

"You have to activate it by calling out to it?" Aizen seethed. Gin nodded, smirk growing wider.

"Yup."

"Gin, you bastard!" Aizen felt his face morph into his mad/anger/rage/going to kill you very soon/ face.

"Well, if you knew that I was going to betray you, then why the hell are you so surprised that it is working?"

"SHUT UP!"

"You're going die with a hole in your breast! You're going to die with a hole in your breast!" Gin chanted.

"Gin-" Aizen started, growling.

"Isn't that you're long cherished ambition?" Gin quit chanting to smirk at Aizen some more.

"What?"

_Meanwhile- With Ichigo and Isshin_

"How freaking long is it taking you?" Isshin screamed, looking over at his son's still form with blood dripping from his lips. "There are only so many times I can keep playing solitaire and still be loosing!" When searching for something to do while he waited, Isshin had found a pack of cards in his Shinigami haori. Having no one else to play with, he had played thirty-seven games of solitaire.

And lost every single game.

Snarling, Isshin shuffled the deck yet again, completely bored out of his mind and wondering if something interesting was happening in Karakura town.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 420-422. Sorry it took me forever to type this out, but Bleach much to epic to properly make fun of. And I'll also add that I love saying the Mugetsu, so I'm extra devastated that Ichigo won't be saying it anymore.
> 
> Is this the End?

"I did it."

"No, it was me."

"Lies, Kurosaki. All lies."

"No it wasn't! I had my training montage for two years in an alternate dimension, my hair grew longer, and I look even more badass then before. I destroyed that fucking mountain!" Ichigo stated, trying to stay emotionless in front of Aizen. And he was failing, epically, as he swung his sword around to prove his point of being stronger than Aizen.

"So you're saying, because you trained for two extra years in an alternate dimension that actually only lasted about ten minutes, you are now immensely stronger than I am?" Sousuke Aizen commented.

"Duh. Of course I am. It is kind of my pattern, you know. Plus the whole longer hair thing; can't forget that, can we Mr. Mullet?"

"By that logic, since my hair is longer, I would be stronger than you."

"But you have no real logic, so your argument is flawed and useless. And my hair makes me look cool, while yours makes you look gay. Therefore, I win all arguments." Ichigo finished, a triumphant smile on his face.

"…I still say I destroyed the mountain."

"I did!"

"No, I did!"

"How can you even tell who destroyed the mountain?" a new voice interrupted their argument.

Both mutated Shinigami turned to look at the newcomer, who was Ichimaru Gin, who was standing close by, all traces of blood from Aizen's 'devastating' attack gone.

"How are you alive, Gin?" Aizen finally asked. "I gave you an actual killing blow."

"But little Ichigo over there gets killing blows all the time, and he's still alive."

"I'm not little!"

"And he's had help making sure he stays alive!"

"So of course, me being me, I was perfectly fine after five minutes and was taking a nap. And then I was struck with a fantastic idea!" Gin ignored the interruptions by Ichigo and Aizen.

"What, going to the Caribbean and finally getting some tan?" Ichigo grumbled.

"How boring, Ichi!" Gin grinned.

"Don't call me Ichi!"

"I'm going to Russia to try to take over the government and hypothetically start a World War III!"

"…What?" For once in their lives, and possibly the only time ever, Aizen and Ichigo were both equally stunned.

"See you later!" With that, Gin disappeared, leaving behind a disturbed audience to his declaration of a vacation.

"Forgetting about him," Ichigo started.

"He is dead. Whatever we saw right now was only a vision or hallucination that we both mysteriously had at the same time." Aizen announced.

"Yep, anyways." Ichigo took a threatening stance. "I will show you the Final Getsuga Tenshou."

Aizen stood in front of Ichigo, in all of his butterfly gay glory, slightly intimidated but refusing to show it.

"What is that form?"

"I just told you. It's the Final Getsuga Tenshou."

"…I thought that was an attack, not a fighting style."

"It is an attack. The awesome, super strong, depressive person in my head told me so." Ichigo retorted.

"Kurosaki, what do you think that says about your mentality?"

"That I'm awesome, super strong, and prone to fits of depression?" Ichigo guessed.

"I was going to say crazy." Aizen responded. "And that you possibly suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder."

"I do not! I have a hollow inside of my head, who used to like to take over whenever he could!" Ichigo protested.

"You do realize that technically, a hollow cannot live inside your mind?"

"Shut up. I'm going to have a flashback of Tensa Zangestsu now. And I'm not telling you about it!"

"Oh, go ahead. I'll just wait here patiently and not use that moment to brutally attack you."

"Really?"

"…Sure Kurosaki, sure." Aizen wondered internally if Ichigo really was that idiotic.

"Sweet!" Aizen managed to stumble, while standing still, at how moronic the unique Shinigami/Vizard hybrid was. He then noticed an abnormal amount of energy coming from Ichigo.

"What the hell?" Aizen muttered.

"The Final Getsuga Tenshou, is when I become Getsuga." Ichigo announced as his appearance changed, yet again. Unlike Aizen's transformations, there was no sparkly light, just an awesome badass change. Ichigo's hair grew longer, longer than Aizen's hair, and changed to a ebony black color. His robes changed to wrappings around his torso, and he acquired a mask to cover the lower half of his face.

To put it simply, he looked epically badass.

Aizen , on the other hand, looked like some cross between an horror Hollywood Alien and a butterfly and the result was not as epic. Or frightening.

"If I use this technique, then I lose all of my Shinigami powers. That's why it's called Final." Ichigo continued his explanation.

"So you can only use it once? What if it doesn't work the first time you use it then? Wouldn't you be kind of screwed?"

"Eh, it works. Especially against you."

"Brilliant logic, Kurosaki." Aizen muttered.

"Better than yours."

"Now wherever did you get that idea?" Aizen questioned in all honesty.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe from your whole plan to rule the world?"

"How rude, Kurosaki. You should know to be polite to people who are much more powerful than you."

"Actually, I'm more powerful than you." Ichigo grinned.

"That's impossible." Aizen spat out, disbelief creeping in his voice.

"Well no, see I evolved in a different dimension than other Shinigami, and a two dimension being can never interfere with a three dimensional one, as long as I don't purposefully lower my level and allow interference, neither humans nor Shinigami should be able to feel my reiatsu." Ichigo smirked as he read off a card that had Aizen's handwriting on it. "See, I evolved like you did. And you dropped this during one of your transformations."

"Are you saying that you are in a higher dimension than I am?" Aizen growled. "That's impossible! No mere human can surpass me!"

"Uh, Aizen. I hate to break this to you, but we're not human."

"Shut up! It is-"

"Mugetsu!" Ichigo cried, a little much to happily for Aizen. The next thing that Aizen and Ichigo knew, an inky blackness engulfed them both. Then Aizen was laying down on the ground, and Ichigo was standing with a broken mask and depressed, but cool expression on his face.

"Damn, now I'm in my depression period stage again." He whined. Ichigo settled in the advanced form of badass character is depressed pose; which required him to stare sadly into the sky, while his opponent was down.

A growl caused Ichigo to turn his head towards Aizen, as the mentioned mutated thing raised itself from the dust of Ichigo's attack.

"Shit, you're still regenerating? How the hell does that happen?" Ichigo muttered, obviously quite upset that his brooding time was over.

Then, his magically applied black hair dye and epic Getsuga Tenshou extensions vanished, leaving Ichigo with his longer, shaggy hair, which looked equally as cool.

"Shit, my Shinigami powers are gone." Ichigo internally cried.

"You've lost, Kurosaki Ichigo." Aizen thundered, as his sword started to crumble.

"Look, my zanpakutou is disappearing. Do you know what that means?"

"Actually no. But I'm guessing that it means that your sword, and by extension, your soul are now worthless, or that the fairy god-mother ball decided that you are now a bad person, and thus can't grant you anymore wishes." Ichigo said as he looked up at Aizen from falling onto his knees in utter despair at the knowledge of the loss of his powers.

"NO! It means that the hogyoku has decided that I don't need a zanpakutou!"

"So, does that mean that you're evolving again? You know, I think there's a reason the majority of Pokémon only evolve twice. Not twenty something times."

"Are you bitter about losing the very same power that I am now gaining?" Aizen taunted.

"Well, I am depressed that I'm loosing my Shinigami powers, yes. And the cool outfit, hair, mask, and-" Ichigo rambled.

"I get it, shut up." Aizen interrupted.

"Just as an afterthought, how do you know exactly what the hogyoku is doing to your body before it happens?"

"I don't, I'm guessing."

"Oh."

"Anyways, you're finished Kurosaki!" Aizen shouted, right as a beam of light pierced through his chest.

"What is this?" Aizen seethed, angry that so many people seemed to be coming back to interfere with his plans.

"So it finally activated." A familiar and hated voice reached the ears of the two warriors below as a very recognizable sandal showed itself in the sky.

"Urahara Kisuke!" Aizen spat out.

"Again? I already told you that I know my own name, Aizen."

"This is your doing?"

"Well, who else would it be? I mean honestly, who else uses Kido as much as I do? And with that much talent?"

"Stop flattering yourself, Kisuke."

"I don't flatter myself." Urahara smirked and lifted his ever-present fan to his face to hide his amusement. "I only tell the truth and give credit where credit is due." And the fan disappeared back into his sleeves.

"Anyways, I sent it at some point during your transformation. One of them, anyways. Since its impossible to kill you, I developed a special seal. I call it, Seal of the Idiotic Over Ambitious Achievers."

"I see. But, I'm evolving again. Do you really think that a Kido of this level is going to seal me?" Desperate insanity laced into his tone.

Three seconds later, Aizen was powerless and speechless, for once.

"…My power…all the power I had acquired…it's disappearing!" Ichigo laughed from the sidelines at Aizen's devastated facial expression.

"That is the will of the hogyoku." Urahara declared.

"How would you know, bastard?" Ichigo called.

"I made it, duh. Don't you think I would know my own inventions despite other people claiming they know more about it than I do? Basically it doesn't see Aizen as it's God-Child anymore."

"But I'm its master! That's impossible!"

"Nothing is impossible! Except trying to slam a revolving door. That's impossible. But, the hogyoku is a very picky thing. So, it's no real surprise that it decided to leave you." Urahara smiled.

"Urahara Kisuke!" Aizen shouted as he found the strength to charge at the hat man. "Why does a man of your intellect sit idle? Why do you allow yourself to be controlled by that thing?"

"If the thing you are referring to is the Spirit King, then you could say that I'm on his questionable side, considering that I don't really follow all of the rules." Urahara chuckled, before donning a solemn expression. "But, without the existence of the Spirit King, Soul Society would split, and shit would happen. That's the way the world is."

"That's the logic of a loser! A winner must always think, not of how the world is, but how it should be!" Aizen bellowed.

"You know," Ichigo interjected. "That's actually a pretty good quote. Do you mind if I write it down?"

"Oh go ahead, Kurosaki." Aizen instantly calmed down.

"Thanks." Ichigo scribbled on a piece of notebook paper that he had kept with him through out the battle.

"Oh, and Aizen? The reason why I don't want Soul Society to be destroyed is because then all of the Shinigami will migrate to Earth. And I live on Earth. Therefore, I won't be able to get away with as much as I currently do."

"So, it's really for your own benefit then, that you don't openly go against the Spirit King." Aizen groaned. Urahara nodded before turning to the youngest, by a lot, individual in the area.

"You had a notebook with you, Ichigo?" Urahara questioned.

"I still have that physics test that's coming up sometime soon. So I grabbed my notebook to study in between fights." Ichigo grumbled.

"What a good role model student you are, Ichigo! Studying even though you have no assurance that you would have lived to the end of the battle." Aizen drawled.

"I'm the main character. Of course I was going to live. Plus I think the hogyoku likes me, since it somehow ended up near me and won't stop humming that fucking Cinderella song!"

"For the last time, it's not a Disney related device!" Aizen screamed before he was silenced by Urahara's sealing attack.

"For the record, Ichigo," Urahara smirked in amusement. "The hogyoku is a Disney related device, so good luck getting rid of it."

"Does this mean that I'll get my Shinigami powers back?"

"Who knows?"

_Back in the real world-_

Gin's ever-present grin grew wider as he easily manipulated the Russian reports on the United States intelligence. If all went according to his hastily thrown together plan that was still in development, the Shinigami who lived in war that should have just ended, they would witness an epic bloody, heavily devastating mortal war. Those were always much more fun than Spirit wars.


End file.
